DILEMMA !

I have tried to not be a coward.
But there is another side that thanks to my heart if I say what I think and that I buried all this time I was a dissident, rebel, don’t know the rules .
But if you do not say I feel sick and I don’t know me will like what ...
I was numb slowly if kept silent and like the girl locked in ignorance.
I'm confused ...
If I honestly couldn’t be labeled a hypocrite, a liar.
If honest will be labeled ungrateful ...

So what should I do ..?
Should I continue to be quiet and being labeled as a moron who just follow a command Or show what there is of me even though I'm sure I will not be accepted .
But is not I've been just friends in a compulsion and perhaps they had been forced to accept me .
I dunno ...
Why would I be present in the difficult position .
Why am I enforced the options are on two sides of the blade if I choose one of them I would have wound .
maybe I'm blind cuz they can’t see the beautiful side of the dark side may also be too idiot cuz I couldn’t tell from the beginning. or maybe I'm dumb for not being able to say..

'I LIKE THIS AND I  DON’T LIKE THAT'

'I WANT TO BE IS NOT THAT'

I DON’T LIKE HERE I WANT THERE'

I'm a loser, no spirit, no cleverness cuz it was too long trapped.
Too long bowed obediently without knowing the truth but if nobody can see my folly because of compulsion ?

is there something they know will make my situation ?
Until when I was still in ignorance and compulsion ?

Simak

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